3 Tips to Surviving Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is coming up, and if you’ve been trying to conceive for a while, you might be dreading the day.
Not only is it a reminder of what you don’t yet have, but the inevitable glut of pictures popping up on Facebook and Instagram of happy moms and their kids doesn’t exactly help.
Let’s be honest: when you’re desperately wishing you were celebrating this year, seeing all your smiling friends with their 2 or 3 kids eating brunch and holding bouquets of flowers doesn’t exactly make you feel good.
In fact, a lot of those emotions you try so carefully to hide are probably bubbling up in anticipation: jealousy, envy, and the good old “why-me?”
Because Mother’s Day can be super triggering for many women hoping to get pregnant.
Maybe last year you were picturing yourself holding your baby, but then you didn’t get pregnant as planned.
Or maybe, like one of my clients, you secretly celebrated Mother’s Day last year because you had just found out you were pregnant and hadn’t told anyone yet. When you miscarried a few weeks later, Mother’s Day took on a bitter taste for you: last year’s joy a stark contrast to this year’s pain.
Whatever Mother’s Day brings up for you, know that you’re not alone. One in 7 couples are dealing with the same feelings and emotions. If Mother’s Day is hard for you, that’s okay! Give yourself permission to feel however you feel about it this year. And take time to support yourself.
Here are my top 3 tips to survive Mother’s Day this year:
1. Turn off social media.
Girl, I know it’s hard. But you also know that deep down you’re just rubbing salt in your wounds by looking at everyone else’s happy facebook and instagam photos. Just don’t do it.
Stay off social media on Mother’s Day–maybe even delete the apps from your phone temporarily (or permanently!) if you know you’ll be tempted.
And honestly, not being exposed to all the images, hype, and commentary will go a long way toward making the day more bearable.
2. Double down on your routines.
Take time this week to really nurture yourself–stick with good routines you have in the morning or evening, and make time for those activities that help you feel grounded and emotionally stable.
Maybe that’s your morning meditation, your yoga practice, or you evening soak in the tub. Maybe it’s reading (for fun!), going for walks, or cooking.
Whatever activities or routines you have in your life that make you feel balanced and bring stability to your life—double down on those this week.
After all, that’s why we have routines and self-care–so that when we feel unstable, emotional, or the world turns upside down, we can fall back on the familiarity of these routines and activities to help ground us.
3. Spend the day with those who lift you up
Choose how to spend your day–and with whom. If seeing a bunch of moms out with their babies is triggering, avoid the brunch scene.
If you’re celebrating your mom, offer to have her over to your place for brunch instead. Or spend time with your partner, schedule a girls date with your other child-free friends, or go for a hike or work in your garden.
Find something you enjoy doing and do it with those who make you feel good–whether that’s your mom or your friends, be sure they’re the ones who really lift you up.
But the most important thing is to listen to yourself and do what you need. If you need to bow out of plans, grant yourself the grace to do what’s right for you.
There’s no right way to get through the day–just be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to sit with whatever feelings come up for you.
And ultimately, know that even if your path to motherhood isn’t what you planned, there are many routes to get there—and someday, you’ll be the mother everyone is celebrating.
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